It only gets harder folks. The more of the world you see, the harder it gets to live. Of course if I had received the proper preparedness instructions it might have been easier. But I'm lost and getting more and more found with no guide. The hope I have of coming out of this alive or sane or both is slowly dwindling. It's 7:00 on a bus and this is what I think about. I'm happy, make no mistake of that, but there is an opposite here as well. I'm alone. There are those around me who understand some, but no one who surpasses me fully. Perhaps if I were more of a zen master I could gleen the knowledge I needed from seperate sources and compile it in my life. Unfortunately for me, I don't have nearly enough skill to pull that one off. So here I sit, on a bus, with endless highway stretching forward and back, infused with the yellow-orange glow of fluorescent street lights. I can see my reflection in the tinted glass of the window. It stares back at me as I stare out at the pitch black pavement. I'm slowly gaining my sight. Having never seen the light, the pain is unbearable.I bear it though because I know the light is there and there's no going back when you've felt its warmth. And of course it wouldn't be good enough for just me to deal with this pain so I accidently hurt others when I try to live this new life. Hell, I hurt others when I'm trying to protect them. I know that the bigger picture entails it, but that's not something that can be conveyed. I know the trap of words. You can't teach experience. So ultimately I'm alone until I find my next teacher, until I can see the next step on my path. It gets lonely being alone.