You know what? I think that I've just about had enough of this shit. I'm tired of playing the friend and making everybody feel better. Cordiality has lost its shine and all I'm left with is dull conventionalism. We all are taught that you shouldn't say bad things to people because it will hurt them. Well I say tough shit. If they can't handle what I think, then fuck them. It shouldn't matter to them what I think. If i want them to tell me something then I will ask them a question. No more will I pump up people'sself-esteem if I don't mean it. I know that people won't agree with what I'm saying here, but who cares. I'm not other people, I'm me, and if they can't handle who I am then they can hit the road cause I will change for no one but myself. Anoter thing I'm tired of is relationships. Every time my selective ass picks out someone to date, they don't like me. It's always something: they're in a relationship they don't want to be in, but they son't want to hurt the guy, or they think of me as more of a friend. When is everybody gonna wise up and realize that friendships become the best relationships. And if one more of these fucking illusions says they love each other I am going to climb a building and fucking kill every last one of them with a fucking rifle. They don't know what love is, they think its some feeling in your stomach. Love is a kick in the ass with a steel toe boot when you're lying face down in a ditch. It slaps you in the face and says, "hey, fuck up, none of this shit is real and you can change it anytime you want." Once you realize that we're all asleep and we refuse to wake up, then the curtain drops away, you step way back and see the big picture. Its the most painful thing that will happen, just like when you turn the lights on after being in the dark so long. But on the other side of apin is peace, on the other side of hate is love, and on the other side of depression is happiness. They don't make the mountains easy to climg though, the going is tough and most that even start give up, but even the climbing is rewarding. Many small victories and failures. The only way to peace is through peace, the only way to love is through love, and the only way to happiness is through happiness. They say you can't love others until you love yourself, this is true and when confronted with it most will say "Well, I do love myself." But they don't even know who they are. They love who they think they are. We are all in love with illusions. The illusions we make of ourselves and the illusions others give to us. Seeing truth is the simplest and most natural thing we can do. It's also the most difficult thing we will ever attempt (if we ever attempt it). Thats the paradox of things. Our illusions only make the paradox greater. Sometimes the simplest questions are the most profound: Who are you?, Where are you going?, What do you want? All these questions are answered already, we just never listen to our answers. And the same with truth, the only way to see it is to stop looking. The roaring silence of one hand calpping. You don't have to escape to a temple or a secluded cave to understand these things, daily life is the best arena to train a champion. Freedom comes to those who fight oppression, but the fight is not always an external battle. But all these words are a trap. You can read them all you want and say "That makes so much sense." But the only way to really understand the meaning behind them is to live and experience. All words are empty until there is experience behind them. Meaning to words comes from action and sometimes silence is the best explanation. There's paradox in everything, but opposites are all the same thing.